People behave totally in an unexpected manner at times. Bizarre. Here was a friend of mine who had a reputation of borrowing money virtually from anyone and everyone. And mostly, his modus operandi was to borrow from Peter to pay Paul! So, he was there at my doorstep one day, morning early when I was in front of the extra mirror outside my bathroom. I had already applied the saving foam. While my friend, Raj, thought I must forget my shaving routine to listen to his brainwave of an idea, my wife, whom I would drop at her work place on my way to my own, was gnawing her teeth from the kitchen signaling her disapproval at my apparent willingness to entertain Raj and thus get late in leaving home for work. That would get her also late. But Raj would not let go of anyone easily. He would sit there and wait till I finished shaving, he said. I was unable to decide what to do. But Raj made it easy for me to decide quickly. He started with how his (exceptionally beautiful) wife was wondering I had not visited them in a while and extended an invitation, on her behalf, to tea in the evening. I fell for his bait! There was a wicked smile on his face that he could not hide. I quickly washed the foam off my face. I told myself one-day old stubs were okay once in a while. In any case, I could always shave neatly in the evening before I went to his house in the evening to fulfill his lady’s invitation to tea. Thank God, my wife was not included in the invite!

So, the decision was made. I went to the sitting room and sat opposite Raj. My wife had taken bath very early and she was now having her breakfast. She was also gulping down her anger along with the breakfast, I was sure! Raj cleared his throat and began letting me in on his grand plan. We were living in our own flats. The flats were identical but his was on the ground floor, while I was living on the third (top) floor. By convention, I had complete and inalienable right to the open terrace above my flat. While I was still in the process of bringing myself to believe that it was perfectly legal to put up a temporary structure on the terrace, there were many in the colony who had constructed permanent structures after duly taking care of the powers that be, to look the other way! Raj revealed his plan. He would buy my flat and I must buy his. But why? The last time I went to his house months ago, Raj and his wife took me round their flat and showed how they had made up their flat with liberal alterations and additions, even if it went against the structural stability of the entire building and the sense of aesthetics. His wife took the lead, because she had stayed home to get the finer details executed on the ground. I could not resist her and that lingering smile of hers, and I had complimented profusely for getting the house done up so beautifully. As beautiful as herself.

Raj reminded me of that now. This was a golden opportunity for me to move into his flat. But what was so great about it when his wife would have move along with him to my flat?! But Raj was too smart a bloke. He told me that in the exchange (I am talking about the flat, stupid!) bargain, I only had to give him a cash of five lakhs. The premium was for the ground floor location. No discount for the mosquitoes and the rats that were part of the offer? I was not impressed. Raj figured it out at once. Was he adept at mind reading? Then he must be really dangerous as a friend. He came up with yet another bait now. I could raise a housing loan to buy his flat and after giving him five lakhs, I would get to keep the balance to blow up! As if he was going to repay the housing loan! I marveled at his ingenuity. But what was his own motivation in buying my flat? He would raise a housing loan to buy my flat and spend less than half of it in bringing up a permanent structure on the terrace. And let it out on rent. The balance of his mortgage and the five lakhs that I would give him will enable him to buy another flat with terrace rights. With some money still left of the deal and pooling in his own meager savings, he would construct another identical unit on the terrace of the new flat. So, he will have three flats earning him rent. A financial wizard, I thought! I wondered if he was too naïve to show his hand too early. Or was there a game plan that I was too naïve to see through? But the plain fact was that I couldn’t see beyond the evening tea and the beautiful hostess! I didn’t know how to respond to offer of exchange of flats, though. I was almost sold on it, my wife thought, but she gave me an escape route for now by reminding me abruptly that I was getting late. I didn’t commit on the flat either way. But I was committed on the other juicy offer. I would be there in the evening to enjoy his (?) hospitality that evening!

Let us leave Raj and his pretty wife live in peace. I will tell you about another friend who was quite alert and careful in financial dealings. Though he wouldn’t mind leveraging himself through a bank loan once in a while, he was not given to borrowing right, left and center. He earned enough and had a happy family. His wife’s sister was also married in the same city. My friend and his co-brother got along so well that many friends thought they were brothers. And when they both wanted to buy a property, they mutually agreed to buy together at the same place so that they could live close to each other’s family. Instead of flats, they located a piece of land, large enough for the two families to build their homes on. The two guys shared the cost equally and got the plot of land registered jointly in their names. They could have divided the plot in two halves and registered separately. I thought I was stupid in thinking so. My friend said his co-brother was such a sweet fellow that such a thought never crossed his mind. Sweeter than sugar and honey? In any case, his wife would not have allowed my dear friend to push for individual registrations.

After a year or so, my friend wanted to construct a house on his half of the plot. His co-brother said he was not yet ready financially to start on his project. So, when my friend quietly approached his co-brother on this, he suggested that they should construct two big units, one on the ground floor and the other on top of it, instead of dividing the plot of land. The rooms could then be big and would look royal. The idea appealed to my friend’s aesthetic sense. I also jumped at the mention of it, as if it was my personal project! Go get a box of sweets, man. Let’s celebrate! He was not half as excited as I was. Why? His co-brother didn’t want to do his part of construction now. He told me that earlier. How did it affect the celebrations the occasion called for? His co-brother had dropped the bombshell: he would have the ground floor for himself and my friend could construct his first floor home right now! Would he allow him to raise solid pillars on which he could prop his construction? His co-brother would have none of it. My friend could construct his building in thin air! Strange are the ways of some!!

I would tell you about another friend. He was a jolly good fellow. He was plain raw at trading on stock market but didn’t think of himself as anything less than Ketan Parikh. But it was the times of Harshad Mehta. There were many friends who thought they were stock market wizards. When the scam broke out, many of them were left holding penny stocks that either fell by the wayside or were banned permanently from trading on the bourses. I had a couple of friends who had such stocks in huge quantities but would wryly joke that they would be on the board of directors if and whenever those companies and their stocks were back on track! Wishful thinking. They also knew. My great friend was one of those characters. One admirable thing about him was he had a wonderful sense of humour. And he needed loads of it after having suffered a net loss at the stock market! So, when I asked him how much money he lost, he said he made a gain of two lakhs. When I persisted, he said he also made a loss of three lakhs. Why wouldn’t he say it was a net loss of one lakh rupees? Because, as he reasoned, his head had a knack of working unpleasant memories out of his system quickly and retaining only the happy accomplishments! Did it explain why it took quite a long time and a lot of coaxing to get the figure of three lakhs of loss he endured? But I was happy he hadn’t lost his sense of humour!